Sergey Shoigu: Man of the Issue

Russia’s Minister of Emergency Situations, Sergey Shoigu, has proposed that it be made a criminal offence to deny that the USSR was victorious in the Great Patriotic War. We have chosen Mr Shoigu as our “Man of the Issue,” in particular because Yuri Chaika, our Prosecutor General, seconds the choice.

Shoigu has done well to take this matter so much to heart: it is a very serious thing to entertain doubts about Russia’s victories nowadays! Shouldn’t we be doing more than he proposes, however? We suggest that there should be a two-year sentence for denying that Russia is rising up from its knees, one year for each lying rug-burnt knee!

We also hope that millions of Russians will inform the proper authorities should any negatively-inclined citizens indulge in denigrating Russia or the USSR in the privacy of their kitchens, saying things like “Stalin was a bad manager” — five years in jail or eight years if the person said “very bad!”

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